This fall, I met someone who’s been through some rough times in her recent life. We don’t live in the same place, so we only communicated in writing, which has downsides, but gave me the opportunity to write out how I feel about the role (shitty) experiences play in our lives. She kindly called it Ophira’s Shitty String Theory.
For context, the Wikipedia definition of string theory includes this sentence: “It describes how these strings propagate through space and interact with each other.”
Here’s my version.
What do we make of shitty things?
I think that our experiences (which can include/be colored by our upbringing, friendships, conversations, life events, the books and people we relate to, and the activities we pursue) shape our understanding of the world, our openness to and ability/desire to connect with certain kinds of ideas and people.
This can look so many different ways.
Some people deal with shitty things and then want to do something to change the world in the area they dealt with (or another one).
Some people deal with shitty things and talk about them, to demystify a part of life for others, help themselves remember what happened, share a part of the human experience.
Some people deal with shitty things and when they see someone else in a shitty situation, say or do something, however small, that lets that person know they’re not alone.
Some people deal with shitty things and then use them as a catalyst to embrace what they love and are curious about.
Some people deal with shitty things and spend time and effort trying to understand them.
Some people deal with shitty things and move past them without looking back or letting them define who they are, what matters to them.
Some people do other things I haven’t noticed or imagined.
But my belief is that in all cases, no matter what your choice is, no matter your life experience or your belief, the things you’ve lived and people you love are part of you. And they will show up in some perhaps unexpected ways in your approach to the world. Maybe you’ll gravitate toward or away from certain types of people or projects. Maybe you’ll incorporate them overtly (or covertly) into your stories.
You’ll do what feels right to you, or what protects you, or what makes you resilient, or what gives you that feeling you’re trying to feel, and somehow life will continue, and these stories, wherever you keep them in your body and mind, will seep into your choices. And the meaning we give them, even if it is “just a shitty thing that happened and I had to get through,” becomes part of the fabric of our lives.
I think Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy sums it up well:
“We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.”
This perspective has helped me. What’s helped you? Have you come across something I’ve missed?
I’m always curious to learn how other people understand life, so please share.
This Glass Has Water 